Ok, if you have a Christmas elf outfit—for whatever reason—what’s the best time to wear it? How about doing a good deed for the Salvation Army? That was my goal in Dec. 2017—actually Sat., Dec 23. I signed up to be a volunteer kettle ringer.
My shift was from 2 p.m. until 6 p.m. At the Camp Forbing Krogers—which at that time was the IN PLACE to buy groceries, been seen and of course to ring the bell!
It was an interesting experience to say the least! As expected those who knew me, had a field day with verbal jabs about my attire. I should have charged them to take their ridicule!!
Many who saw me near ringing the small bell as if I was an demented and out of place Mississippi State football fan walked an extra football field distance to avoid my location. Baaa…humbug!
And I got the usual excuses when looking pitiful when no money was deposited into the kettle. These included “the check is in the mail”, “I gave at the office”, “sorry, all I have is a $1000 bill”, and “do you take credit cards?” Unfortunately I did NOT have an ATM by my station.:
But, as Art Linkletter always said “kids say the darndest things”.
Here are some of the questions I fielded with my responses.
Q: Why are you not at the North Pole?
A: I had accrued vacation I would lose if I did not take it by year end.
Q: What are you not making my toys?
A: I already have—and I got the day off.
Q: What do elves on Christmas?
A: Rest.
Q: Did Santa get my Christmas list?
A: I don’t know, Did you mail it, tweet it, email it or send by fed ex? Do you want the 1 800 phone number to check?
Q: If I don’t like what Santa leaves me, what should I do?
A: Ask your parents if they told Santa that you were “bad”.
Q: What sex is an elf?
A: That’s a personal question.
Q: Why do you want money for this kettle?
A: For reindeer treats, an LED bulb for Rudolph’s nose, and an electric Santa sleigh.
Q: Is it true that Santa only wants gluten-free cookies?
A: Hmm.. not sure if he is on the KETO or Mediterranean diet this week.
Q; Does Santa really wear a fit bit to check his exercise?
A: No, but the reindeer do.
If a reader really wants to get the spirit of the season, volunteering to be a kettle bell ringer is a great way. No costumes are required. Another way is to serve at the Salvation Army Christmas dinners.
This Article was published in the November 29th issue of The Inquisitor.
