BY: JEFF GAUGER

I Life teaches hard lessons. Here are some I’ve learned.

Never argue with a teenager. They already know everything.

Don’t buy a car with white cloth seats. Drops of coffee, soda and ketchup are drawn to them like bugs to a windshield.

Never complain to your spouse about her snoring. That’s a firm never. You’ll receive audio-recorded evidence of your own overnight sputtering.

Never share thoughts about politics on Facebook. That’s a double firm never. Facebookers can spot wrong opinions faster than teenagers roll their eyes at adults’ ignorance.

Never switch to another grocery store checkout line. The other line only seems faster. It never is.

It’s better to buy gas before your tank is dry.

Designate a spouse or friend to deploy an elbow if you fall asleep in church with head back and mouth open.

Never tell a car dealer service “consultant” you’re in a hurry. It won’t speed your exit.

Close car windows at stoplights when singing with the radio.

Discuss politics with your morning coffee klatchers only if prepared to hear their opinions for the 1,359,713th time.

am safe from … what?

Spills.

Jeff Gauger is a former executive editor of The Shreveport Times who now teaches journalism at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. Send comments, anecdotes, suggestions and brickbats to jeff.gauger08@gmail.com.

THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN THE March 27 ISSUE OF FOCUS SB - THE INQUISITOR.