BY: JEFF GAUGER

I stood before a mirror in our bathroom last night, grasping my hair with both hands, a grimace slashing my face.

“What’s the matter?”

Ah, my ever-perceptive wife.

“This hair is driving me nuts,” I said of the mop erupting in a world without professional haircuts. “I look like Donald Trump.”

I uttered that last remark with less than zero forethought, but I’m sure I meant it only as a reference to the man’s extravagant doo. Really.

“No. You. Don’t,” my wife said. Her tone echoed how we once spoke to our children when they said stupid things, like “I’m s-o-o-o bored. There’s never anything to do around here!”

Then, after a pause crafted with an actor’s precision for emphasis, she spoke again.

“Your hair’s not orange.”

Not helpful. Not helpful at all.

Weeks ago, I wrote about my hair dilemma, one shared by millions: buzzcut or ponytail.

Now you know I’ve so far opted against buzzcut, based mainly on my wife’s “advice.” I think she thinks my hair will outlast pandemic.

But I may not. Buzzcut’s looking ever better.

Jeff Gauger is a former executive editor of The Shreveport Times who now teaches journalism at Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge. Send comments, anecdotes, suggestions and brickbats to jeff.gauger08@gmail.com.
 

THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN THE April 24 ISSUE OF FOCUS SB - THE INQUISITOR.