Dear Gabby,
I was passing through a small town, Oxford Miss., minding my own business, when out of the blue, a police officer pulled me over and gave me a ticket for honking my horn. I was flabbergasted. It is true that I honked my horn, but only because a darned old yellow mama dog darted out in front of me. I honked to protect the dog. I wasn’t trying to break the law. I didn’t realize there was such a law … still unsure, is it legal? Hey, I’m an Ol’ Miss fan, which ought to count for something!
Bobby
Dear Bobby,
So you’re an Ol’ Miss fan, are you? Well, don’t feel too bad about the ticket you got for horn honking; you could have been ticketed for something much worse. Allow me to list a few for future references, because some of these laws are still on the books.
In Louisiana, do you know that a person could land in jail for up to one year for making a false promise? True. So true, apparently, it isn’t that important any longer; if it were, the state would be building new jails on every street corner.
Get a mouthful over this law: Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.” That ought to take the bite out of crime.
How about those pesky alligators? New Orleans law states, “You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.” My question is: Who in their right mind would want to? Hold on to your car keys, ladies, this law was written just for you: It is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it. (I refuse to comment on this law … as bad as I’d like to, I’ll refrain myself).
Tennessee has a few, well, strange laws; see if you can make heads or tails out of these:
Skunks may not be carried into the state. You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving vehicle. Driving is not to be done while asleep.
And last but not least, this puts the icing on the cake: It is legal to gather and consume road kill. This law needs repeating for all those traveling on a budget.
IT IS LEGAL TO GATHER AND CONSUME ROADKILL.
In other words, don’t take any skunks or whales into Tennessee; they have plenty of road kill to go around.
I don’t want to forget Alabama before I sign off. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Men may NOT spit in the presence of the opposite sex. Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. Hunting is NOT allowed on Sunday. (God bless Alabama for acknowledging the Sabbath.) It seems that Alabama is raising some good ol’ boys.
Well, Bobby, just pay the ticket and enjoy the Ol’ Miss games. That is, of course, if this nasty pandemic will allow us to.
Gabby
THIS ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN THE July 16 ISSUE OF FOCUS SB - THE INQUISITOR.